When we scratch a little, we see that money often comes into our relationships. From the meeting to the breakup through the life of a couple, our advice to avoid love bankruptcy.
Talking about money while in love is contrary to the romantic ideal. It is reminiscent of the Middle Ages, the days of the dowry, the “good party” and other ugly expressions where finance outweighs sentiment. Today, “when you love, you don’t count”. Strange paradox, in a life where we spend our time calculating: the price of rent, groceries, salaries, allowances, credits … But no one is fooled. From the first moments of flirting, by glancing at the lucky chosen one, his clothes, his style, we can assess his financial situation. No, no of course, that doesn’t count. But we note. Then comes the first drink, the one offered or paid for. And quickly, it is the avalanche: first gifts, holidays, sharing of the rent, joint account, differences of wages… So many subjects that put this question on the carpet. Yes, the one in the living room. Near the chimney. That you bought 50/50, in three installments at no cost. So, the money, let’s talk about it! To tame it, to desecrate it, so that it does not spoil our relationships and that it remains what it should be: a simple tool.
”The First Meeting”
12* Who Pays For The First Drink?
“Leave, I invite you. There you go, the money has just entered the conversation. And this, from the first meeting. So who rashes first? Usually guys. According to an Ifop poll, 88% of men say they pay for the first restaurant. “In France, generosity remains highly valued in men,” notes sociologist Caroline Henchoz, author of Couple, Love and Money (ed. L’Harmattan). Unlike Quebec, for example, where the norm is to share. In the public sphere, there is a desire for gender equality. But in the relationships of seduction, the codes of gallantry endure. “Not for Stephanie, 31, who still insists on paying the bill:” I don’t see why it would be up to the guy to do it. I refuse to be invited without consideration. “
11* Does Money Make You Beautiful?
Imagine that you are a hyena. Yes, you are not very pretty: you drool and stink from your mouth. Okay, now put on a The Kooples suit, run your shaggy coat with gel and feel the bundle of big bills in your inside jacket pocket. You have just doubled your seduction capital! “Having money gives you self-confidence,” confirms sociologist Jeanne Lazarus, author of Sociology of Money (ed. La Découverte). Since you have them, it’s not an issue when you meet someone. This opens up one set of futures for the other. With you, he can dream. “The effect is even twofold: the more money you have, the more beautiful you are, and the more beautiful you are, the more money you earn! A study from the University of Melbourne showed that beautiful Australian kids earn 22% more than those with “average” builds. Conversely, ugly people get 26% less.
10* And You, How Much Do You Earn?
It’s hard to ask this question early in a relationship. But why is it so taboo? Fifty years ago, money and the patrimony of the future spouses were at the heart of romantic arrangements. According to the psychoanalyst Bernard Prieur, author of L’Argent dans le couple (ed. Albin Michel), the couple would have become the “last island of resistance […] where we could afford not to count, since it is governed solely by the thirst for the ideal and the laws of love. Anne-Sophie, 28, has been with Mehdi for seven years and still does not know how much he earns. “I know he’s got a lot of money. But I’m not interested, I don’t want to know. It’s a way for me to stay independent. “
9* Are Rich Bad Lovers?
“To pay less, he would swap labels when buying vegetables. I found it unbearable, says Juliette, 27. For my birthday, he suggested that I go to dinner by the sea … But there, it was a menu of 14 euros, making me feel that he was making an effort. While he was earning 3,000 euros per month! Anyway, he had a lot of qualities, but I felt like he was kidding me … “So the story didn’t last. “The stingy person matters all the time, they are not in the sharing”, remarks Marie-Claude François-Laugier, psychoanalyst and author of L’Argent dans le couple et la famille (ed. Payot). But there is worse than the stingy: the miser. “Greed is a pathology,” continues the shrink. The miser lives only for accumulation. He’s addicted to money. He cannot give either his time or his love. “If he’s a tight-fisted, watch out. A miser, flee!
8* How Much Am I Worth?
On the dating site WhatsYourPrice, “generous” members open their wallets for a romantic tête-à-tête with an “attractive” member. Julia, our reporter, took a chance by wondering worriedly how much she was worth, “I quickly get a flirty first wink from GreyRocky, 56, athletic. I suggest an appointment at 60 euros. He accepts. “You have a good price / performance,” he whispers over the phone. Paying 50/60 euros for a coffee with a pretty young woman, it’s worth it. It changes me from old skins [sic]. ” The requests are multiplying on my account. Two hours later, I get my biggest bid: 1140 euros! My admirer lives in Qatar. The start of a love affair? I ask 24-year-old Lola, who was the sugar baby of a man thirty years older for a year, in her opinion. The principle: sugar daddies, businessmen generally aged 50 and over, maintain (very) young women in exchange for their “company”. “We met at the hotel about twice a week,” Lola says. He left me an envelope of around 600 euros each time. He behaved like we were a couple, even though it was clearly prostitution. Over time, I got to know him and felt affection for him. He has become a friend. ” It doesn’t make me want at ALL. Too bad for my Qatari suitor: I decline his generous invitation. “
7* Thrifty + Spendthrift = Impossible Love?
Could you stay with someone you just don’t get along with sexually? No, probably not. For the money, it’s the same. Being in a relationship means sharing common values and goals, including on financial matters. “The much-maligned marriage of the carp and the rabbit does not necessarily lead to failure, provided that each does not brag about its difference,” tempers psychologist Bernard Prieur. The important thing is to remain lucid about the nature of your partner. “Sometimes out of fear of losing love for others, we forget ourselves to the point of accepting a role model that does not suit us. In the United States, some Baptist churches organize discussions on the subject of money between the bride and groom. “In nearly 25% of cases, the fiancés give up their plan because they realize their incompatibility,” notes Bernard Prieur.
6* Can We Live On Love And Fresh Water?
Come my beloved, we will dress in loincloths that we will make with the leaves of plane trees and we will feed on the wild pigeons of the neighborhood. Does it make you dream? No, you prefer to go to a restaurant… Mathilde, 25, has had a long history with a charming but broke boy. “At first, that is not a problem,” she says. But as soon as you want to go further, make plans, everything gets complicated, it’s frustrating. Today I’m paying attention to the guy’s situation. Not out of self-interest, but just so that it isn’t stressful. For others, a return to sobriety can be beneficial. With her ex-boyfriends, Marie-Charlotte has never stopped spending fortunes to please: restaurants, gifts and little touches. None of these relationships lasted. But today, she has found love with David. Coincidence or coincidence: when they met, they were both dry. “It cleaned up the relationship,” she analyzes. I believe that with my exes, I made too good a living to leave on an egalitarian basis. “
5* Should We Share The Rent?
If you are married, there is a rule, written in the Civil Code. “If the matrimonial agreements do not regulate the contribution of the spouses to the expenses of the marriage, they participate in it in proportion to their respective faculties. “Translation: if no deal is planned, pay according to your means. According to an INSEE study, 51% of couples operate according to this proportional system, while 21% simply divide by two, regardless of each person’s income. 16% set up a compensation system. Example: “I pay the rent, you pay the groceries, the apartment charges and the coolant of the 106.”
4* Is Buying A Home Better Than Getting Married?
In a relationship with Anne for ten years, Romain, 28, does not taste a wedding: “It does not conform to my political and philosophical ideal”. The mark of his commitment is the purchase of their house. “For me, it’s much stronger and also more rational: we choose the house together, we do the work together, it’s a process of sharing. According to an Ifop poll, 43% of people under 35 believe that buying an apartment is more about marriage. The ring on the finger: old-fashioned. Credit on the back: much more modern.
3* Whoever Pays, Is It The One Who Decides?
Laurie and Gérald fund their joint account in proportion to their income. Gerald puts more. And he is also the one who has a little more control over the management of this nest egg. “For the decorative elements, explains Laurie, we use this account. Sometimes I want to buy something for the house and Gerald calls me to order, he tells me to wait until next month. It’s a little frustrating. ” Those who earn more experience the temptation to treat the other like a child, affirming their sense of ownership and enjoyment, “notes Marie-Claude Francois-Laugier. In recent weeks, Laurie has been receiving better wages. What’s the difference ? “If I really want something, I know I can buy it without having to argue. I feel like I have more freedom. “
2* Are We Building A Business Together?
A study by INSEE shows that companies run by lovers are 1.3 times more likely to be still in business after a year than others. But the situation remains rare, because only 5% of the companies created are “couple affairs”. Tim and Anne-Laure, now 30, opened a restaurant in the Haut Jura four years ago. “A titanic site, 150,000 euros of investment, we rehabilitated a farm,” says Anne-Laure. It was both our baby. “Except that the couple exploded in flight after two seasons. “Creating together is good, it’s beautiful, but it exhausts the couple. We were on top of each other all the time, choking on each other. “The business did not survive their history. Tim would have continued the adventure well but did not have the means to buy back Anne-Laure’s shares.
1* Are The Rich More Unfaithful?
It hurts to write it so cliché, but the unfaithful guy is a … rich man. This is what emerges from a study by extramarital dating site Gleeden based on information provided by its users. 85% of infidels are CSP + and 22% work in finance, banking or insurance. And what is their budget for seduction? Up to 350 euros per month for 58% of them.